Sunday, May 11, 2008

trip attempt

We planned a trip to Utah, via Idaho this weekend. I wanted to go down for the Preliminary hearing scheduled for monday, and to lend support. I hadn't been since Kristy's funeral. Right before we left, I heard the hearing was going to be postponed, hopefully for a good reason, which we half expected would happen.I decided to go anyways. The kids were looking forward to the trip, and it would still be good to see everyone. But, my car had other plans for us. We didn't even make it three hours into the drive and I was having problems. It wasn't dead, but we were going to have to do an awful lot of driving and it was giving me problems. I did not want to end up with three kids on the side of the freeway in the middle of nowhere with a dud car. We said a prayer and took a vote. The kids wanted to continue on, I was too scared. I won out. I was hoping I wasn't letting my anxiety rule my life. We stayed that night at a hotel near Portland. In the morning I took the kids to the Portland Temple. We walked around the grounds. It was beautiful. I couldn't believe how gorgeous the flowers were. We took pictures and talked about how great the temple is. The younger kids spoke of their interest in going in someday. I hope this is a memory they will always remember.....well, not the part about their chicken mom!

We took our time traveling home. All the way home, I wondered how I could skip church, cause I'd made arrangements for someone to teach my RS lesson. It is a once a month deal, and I felt guilty showing up and not doing it, but also I didn't think it would be cool to call with such short notice and tell the sub I didn't need her. I figured that was all pride talking and I just needed to chill out....but, Kas ended up being too sick to attend church so I got to miss anyways. I did feel guilty that I was a little relieved.

Even though, this was not at all what I planned, we did have a great Mother's Day. J was extra sweet...making me breakfast, and helping the kids make dinner....Ultimately I do feel very blessed. We made it home, safely. J thinks the fuel pump is the culprit...and I know the radiator is leaking...Hopefully it won't take much to fix. I am glad we weren't so far away, when I noticed the problems. I know I will see family soon...and can still possibly make the trip later. The kids think they should be able to miss school for the days we had planned...maybe they feel the same I did about church...I think they will take any opportunity to skip!

I wonder why I had such good feelings about going when the trip didn't work out. My dad didn't want me to go, and there were things happening that made it more difficult, so I really tried to follow my gut, or the spirit, and felt like I was doing the right thing. and it still didn't work out. I wondered as I was driving back, what had happened. was I being stubborn? I don't think so....mistaken? didn't feel like it? and then I wondered if it was just the way life is, or something I needed to experience? I did try to make the most of a bad situation. I am not sure if my kids will look back at it in a positive light, or not. Not sure if they will think I gave up too easily. I guess we always wonder if we did the best we could at every given time. Oh well, I am home, and feeling blessed. I guess that is the most important.

No comments: